come on, move along.

Go on, remove all those in the way.

And the leader passed him the cutter.

Go on, remove them.

And he cuts. Numbed. He can feel them screaming out to him, but he continues.

Somemore. Continue.

Authority and obedience. Really. He wants to stop. He'd rather cut off his own arms.

Remove them. Work faster.

But, the others are not in the way. They are all not in the way.

Are you trying to argue with me?

No, but..

Go on. Continue.

And he cuts. He removes. He kills.




Persistent mynah. The traffic's so heavy, yet you just want to get them all, don't you?

intrinsic.

Forgotten.

Bad habit of mine. I form impressions of others based too much on what I hear around and the initial feelings they give me. Selectively filtering through the information I want to believe in and those to ignore. Not wise. 3 years since I've known you and it is only in the past few months that I really get to know you as you are. Getting to know you at a genuine and concrete level. Felt so silly now about all my floating thoughts. How did they get there in the first place? A new promise to make to myself.

You just screamed. Pulled me back into the real world.

Sending you a text. Just realised, that you aren't on the list anymore. After being at the top for the past 2 years, you have officially slipped back into where all the others are at. Guess that's where you will stay. Same with the call list.

Remembered.

you can't keep on like this.

Two new companions today. But you're still not growing.. Maybe two more months or so? Maybe when I'm back..

Have a little faith. Losing your faith. Finding it back.

Socks with sandals. Socks with boots. Socks with slippers?

Putting it there. Leaving it there. Leaving me here. Putting me here. Never really far away from all these. Winding down after all these weeks. Wind-up the toy machine!

No longer capable. No longer able like 3 years ago. Text book stuff. The alcohol's never strong enough. Mix and match.


Charlie.

it is not a toy camera.

Passed v. Past.

A verb v. a noun/ adjective/ adverb.


She walked past (adverb) , but I passed (verb) her in the hall.

Time passes (verb) by slowly.

Her unspeakable past (noun).

All her past (adjective) husbands died of mysterious deaths.



Everyday I walked past (adverb), you just looked more tired and roughed up. Please grow well. I hope they stop trampling on you and pulling the new roots out. The rain has not been kind on you the past (adjective) few days. Hang in there.

And they were painting the post box with all colours imaginable. Colours mixed and colours raw. You draw well but you hate it when people all said you will become an accomplished artist in the future. You choose to be a civil servant instead. Secured yet much needed. You know what you want, people are not going to tell you what they want you to be. You know you are good at it, alright, but that does not mean you want to live a life of it.

Me, I need to find the tarzan like you said. No one wants a wife who wishes to make a career out of roaming jungles, yes?


Thank you again. Celebrations. I will take photos. (:

mad rush.

26th March:

• Bowling @ Ehub

27th March:

• Business Law Make Up Lessons
• Timbre

28th March:

• Class Lunch @ Tampines

31st March:

• Biophysical Environment of Singapore Group Report
• Statistics Test 2
• Beach Games Meeting

2nd April:

• Arts Camp Proposals

7th April:

• Marketing Presentation
• Marketing Group Report
• Marketing Individual Report
• Social Psychology Story Book
• Social Psychology Story Book Presentation

And also because it was so coincidental, I couldn't believe my eyes. A and S. Why? Things really do happen for a reason? It was so freaky, it really makes me think of who is up there. Like we are all in a play and following a script. Where will the outtakes lead us?

And I'm happy for you. (:

too late two choices to stay or to leave.

Wishes.

Just want.

And thank you, I'll have a little faith. I'll kneel and I'll pray.

You know, sometimes memories can be cruel. We really have to read between the lines. I just want to make the right decisions for once. If only I have been listening. I really have no idea. Why how you're doing matters so much to me. Perhaps if I see that you're okay, it means that I will be okay too. Somehow. Like a correlation. And how I remind myself of the many interpersonal relationships I've been trying to weave. Too many complexities. It sounded familiar in a way. If only I had been listening.


Have a little faith. Thank you (:

And I'm 20. And it's been 2 months.

Sara Bareilles - Between The Lines

time to tell the truth

Sara Bareilles - Love Song

because I am not a good person. I only know how to avoid and I only know how to run away.


zutto soba ni ite
dame na boku wo shikatte yo


I'm sorry, I can't.

Imogen Heap - "Hide And Seek"

In spite of all the pain, the loss, and the grief, there's always healing, growth, and learning to be had-- if you only seek it and stick with it.

where are we.

I love the trees. They calm me down. Flowers after the rain. And the trunk left to decompose after leaving life. With insects biting away. After giving so much of itself. This is how it ends.

But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses

The Flame of the Forest is a semi-deciduous tree. Leaves normally fold at dusk but remain spread if illuminated by street lamps. Leaves are shed rather irregularly, often different branches at different times, but sometimes all the branches at the same time. Flowering occurs after a prolonged dry season. After a leaf drop, the tree remains bare for several months. With the coming of wet season, new leaves are produced with new flowers, resulting in the characteristic scarlet, orange to crimson blooms. The attractive flowers can remain on the crown for several weeks.

But it's too hard to say
I wish it was simple


Can I be honest with myself? Can I be honest with you? Because it's like so tightly glued to my face that I no longer know if I'm looking at myself.

i don't know what you want.

I think, I shall let this be the last nonsensical post. This shall be the last post that is about you.

"wadeva reason it is, u're jus taking things for granted. u dun cherish it."

Well, okay. Whatever you say.

maybe we'll find better days.

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her. - Oscar Wilde


Saw you standing there in the middle of the road. As if you were the entire world and the entire road belonged to you. You stood there, firmly on the ground, refusing to move as the headlights shone on you. I wonder if you were proud. I wonder if you just did not care.

But the pressure soon overwhelmed you. You allowed the car to pass. And when you finally decided to cross it again, another came. You ran. It came fast. I hope you made it. You make you. You will always make it.

Because.

Because tonight's your night. Tonight's when your world begins.

And.

And you know I want to help you. But I really do not know how. Why don't you help me?


Thank you for your concern, you know who you are. (:


Because everyone is forgiven now.

it's a circle, a damn big circle.

Woah. What a way to go after nearly 2 months. It almost healed, you know. Almost. And you have to come and tear it apart again. Now I have to start all over, thank you, really. Can't be more appreciative. Because it's like a damn big circle? I've been walking away and moving away from it and I thought I was making progress. But all along, I've been walking around that circle. Tonight's when I realised, I'm back where I started. I truly hope you have not been playing with me. I feel such a strong urge to pierce that hook through you like the worm and feed you to the prawns. Oh yes, do take care. Because this is really the final time.

But who am I to kid. I still care. If not I wouldn't be feeling all this shit now. Thanks again.

the definitive collection.

Went there, read what I've written in there. Keeping it locked up, that other portal. Perhaps some day everything will become clearer and I can free whatever is being locked inside.

Somehow, maybe all along it just was not meant to be? I will be better off and happier. Comparing my life now and then. How the days were spent more on worrying for you and about us than anything else. Free? Not exactly. I am still under your stare, ain't I? But after so long, I guess, I really am happier. Just as long as the nights are merciful. Or so I think? Because I know that, at last, all I can do is cry.

And I realised I do not know how to contain it after all. It is slowing growing, I can feel it. Please, just let me go away somewhere, anywhere.

Do you even know that I have put this link over there, hoping that you might come over here one day and have a look? But I guess, just as always, I'm always hoping about things that will never materialise. And all these yearnings are slowly killing me. Because when I look back at it all, it is just like my eye. It is just as if last night did not occur at all. How could you just rip off 23 months away from me like it was 23 seconds? I'm wishing that you would be taking it hard too, but then again, I'm only wishing again.

loving classics.

Etta James - All I Could do was Cry

like Jackie, like me.

I wonder. Why those who hardly know me are capable of such concern, but not from you.
I wonder. Why those words of endearment from her and those hands on all the wrong places.
I wonder. How many times have you thought about us.
I wonder. If you ever told me the truth.
And I wonder. Will you ever tell me and spare me the dread of finding it out for myself?


Because it just refused to come out of the dark. No, it's not afraid of the light, but maybe the light's afraid of it. Or so I think.

Whoever's up there now. Are you home?


And because today's the first morning after much recovery that I'm feeling it again. All the wrong time and wrong places. Told you and you pretty much brushed it away. So what else am I waiting for? Why am I still right here where you left me when I've lost sight of you long ago. Can't complain, can I? Are they obliged to tell us?


It's coming back and I can feeling it living inside my eye. Where are the tears when you need them the most.


Oh, Jackie.

behind the coloured walls.

Camp, Zirca, Camp, K9 Kulture. Time to have some rest.

Was taken by surprise when I saw your letter. Frankly, I would have taken it less as a joke if not for what you told me just a few months back? I wish you well, you will find someone better. Especially not when I'm in such a state now.

But I feel myself thinking less about it, which is a good thing. Would like to stay in that alley and wait for things to straighten themselves out. Because the light do seep through the tiniest crakes.

Oh Ming, Ice, Nemo, Cookies, Monty, Harry, Storm, Nikki, Hero, Lost, Raffles, Clover etc. You guys kinda made my day (:

Alright sleep debt. I am here to pay.

I just want to hibernate.

When the head protects the heart: Empathic accuracy in dating relationships.
There, social psychology is killing me too in many different ways.

looking forward.

1) Reduce the frequency of browsing your FB page
2) Keep up with my readings and stuff, just keep busy
3) and you, you'll find your way.
4) to apply hall or not to?
5) 2 weeks and you guys will be back, do take care. You, help me take care of him. And you, help me take care of him too.
6) I need to book the tickets soon, please stop ignoring me on msn ):
7) And I just realised I will be spending my birthday 1000-2000hrs in school. That's freaking 10 hours.
8) Alright, let's look forward and move on...

drown me in cococrunch.

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. No no no no. Please don't. Oh man. Stop stop. Put it in a box and sealed it up tight. 2 years 2 years. Okay, one year? Oh no. What if? As if they will, but how can I stop myself. I've learnt so much, yet I've learnt nothing at all.

Black and white keys. Play them.

Colours. Paint them.

One step at a time.

not so good today.

I wonder if you will remember, or will you even bother? Move along, move along. Not doing very well today, maybe I will sleep earlier tonight.

Strained. Did I let you go. Did I leave you lying on the ground. Move on, move on. Only time will tell, alright, alright.

molested.

I felt so naked and dirty when you touched me. Come to think about it, I really could not concentrate on other things other than what happened yesterday. This explains the test today. Oh, I'm just giving myself excuses. But. Please keep your dirty hands off me and don't come any nearer.

Dreamt about dead people last night. Living dead. The infected. Was one of them, quickly ran to my safe room. So the infected has their own room to hide. Where they spawn I suppose? Sat on this bench with another where she told me I'm no longer living. Now I'm part of them. Then this bully came over and started lifting the others up from the benches and throwing them to the floor. They died quite easily. I helped her up. This is so silly, I am going to explore the rest of the room. Really did not expect what actually went on behind. Half the time I was afraid anyone of them might turn onto me. They left me pretty much alone. They were big and blue. White faces. They was praying, having some rituals. Spawing? And then this group suddenly turned their faces to me and parted their hair. And I ran. It hurts though I am already dead.

Too much L4D2.

And I guess I will be okay if I don't think about it.

What you told me the other day. I guess this explains why I felt so compelled to talk to you then. Because we are going through the same thing at the same time. I am not as strong as you said I was. I wish. But I hope you will be okay soon. We know we'll both be alright sooner or later. Your mornings and my nights. Both difficult times of the day to deal with. We'll be alright.


I need to bathe. I feel so dirty again.